The First Steps to Change

If you are ready to start considering change and choosing recovery like I did, I found that a good place to start is by weighing up the pros and cons of your anorexia, not just to you but for your family and friends. This can be really really tough. I wanted to be thin and be attractive and happy in my body - yet I hated looking at my ribs and skinny arms and wrists, so the I knew that the two don't go hand-in-hand. This is why anorexia is such a horrible disease, it gives you the sense that it can't be beaten - it forces you to punish yourself, even though what you are doing to yourself is wrong. However, weighing up the pros and cons and seeing that there are more downsides in having anorexia is the first step on your journey to recovery.

When I started my recovery, these were the pros and cons I wrote down

- Staying the same

PROS - Feeling in control, feeling cared for, food is familiar and safe, It's nice to be thin and not be bullied or called 'fatboy'
CONS - I'll die and my family will suffer, I could get seriously sick or have serious health issues, I'll lose my career and everything I have worked so hard for, I'll keep pushing people away

- Making a change

CONS - I could get fat again, I won't fit into my nice clothes, I won't feel attractive, I might not feel happy anyway so no point?
PROS - I'll be healthier, life won't be all about food, I can eat what I want when I want, I won't be punishing my body anymore, I won't be addicted to counting calories on back of packets, I can go to restaurants and not order salads or drink diet cokes, I'll look more like how a man should look


Setting Goals

As you can see, I saw how much better making the change would be - but if I was to recover I needed some goals. But in working out my goals I needed to identify my problem areas. Restricting food is just one of the symptoms of anorexia, there are other underlying issues to the disease too, such as how you perceive yourself and how you interact with others. My main problems were the following:

FOOD
  • I don't eat enough for someone of my height and build
  • I can't eat big meals without feeling bloated or being sick
  • I am scared of putting on weight and will avoid junk food
  • Everything I eat has to be low-calorie or sugar free
SELF PERCEPTION
  • I do not like my face or how it looks
  • I worry all the time that I'm not good enough
  • I hate looking at my ribcage and skinny arms and wrists, I want to be more manly
  • I hate the sight of fat, 'spare tyres', double chins and fat stomachs
INTERPERSONAL
  • I lose everything and everyone I get close too, so I can't trust them
  • I am very withdrawn in myself
  • I can be very controlling and take things very personally
  • I often hurt my family when I know they are trying to help

Now comes the easy part. Because I had my problem areas clearly set out, I could work on my goals. These will help you recover because every day, when you feel down or feel those anorexic thoughts come into your mind, they will remind you of the choice you made to get better and what you are working towards.

Whenever I feel those thoughts coming back, I gently remind myself of the following goals.

MY GOALS

FOOD
  • I want to eat enough for my size and not be classed as underweight
  • I want to be able to manage bigger 'normal' portions
  • I want to be able to treat myself now and again with a chocolate bar or a McDonalds!
  • I want to overcome my addiction to low-calorie foods and sugar-free drinks
SELF-PERCEPTION
  • I cannot change my face or how it looks
  • I want to stop worrying all the time and realise I have so much to live for
  • I want to have a more masculine and muscular body
  • I must rid myself of the fear of getting fat
INTERPERSONAL
  • I want to learn how to trust again, I can't change the past or what happened to me
  • I want to be the old, outgoing fun and friendly Liam I used to be again
  • I must realise I can't control others or what they think of me
  • I must let people help and accept it


Working out your problems, your aims and your goals is a BIG step and probably one of the hardest things an anorexia suffer can do. It takes a lot of courage to make the decision to change, but once you are ready it really is a decision you will never look back on.

But remember that change takes time, it won't happen overnight, so it's important to take one step at a time. But setting out your aims and goals will give you the best chance to succeed in your fight against anorexia.
 
 
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